The Palio Diet and Billy Paul is Scared of Lions

Recently, I've been putting a solid effort forth to get into shape. I spent a week on the palio diet. It's all stuff that Early Man would have eaten: meat, vegetables, fruits and nuts. Nothing too starchy, and only vegetables that can be eaten in the raw. That meant no dairy, no bread/pasta/rice, and no potatoes. It's the food that hunter-gatherers would hunt or gather. Everybody gave me a hard time, calling me stupid, and pointing out that "cavemen only lived until they were like 30." Even so, I argued that you never see an out-of-shape caveman. They're always ripped, and look really strong. I kinda did a half-assed version of the diet, allowing myself a couple exceptions: beer and Diet Coke. The beer was just for one night, because it was my friend's birthday party, and I had to celebrate. I gave myself a week to experiment with the diet, and I think I did pretty well. My most memorable meals were at Subway and The Eat Street Grill. You can get any sandwich in salad form at Subway, so I got a turkey-bacon-avocado. It was pretty good. At Eat Street Grill (a local Denny's-esque restaurant that compliments all their dishes with Rice Krispies Treats), I had a buffalo burger. That was exciting. I had never eaten buffalo before, and although I most closely associate the animal with the Westward Movement, there was still something very primal about eating it. I had that baby wrapped in lettuce and served with steamed vegetables, and I got two eggs on the side (over easy). I felt really good that day. But, alas, on the 6th night, I ordered a chicken kabob and rice came with it. I caved. LIKE A CAVEMAN!

So now I'm just more selective with my food. I jog though. I'm gearing up for the 4th of July Fun Run. Today, as I approached my house at the end of my run, I got into a conversation with a couple neighbors. I think they live in a halfway house. That's what I've been told at least, and it makes sense. The people who live there always hangout on the porch, and I don't think they're family. One of the guys asked me if I was a student, and introduced himself as "Pork and Beans." He asked me about my major, and told me that he's a still photographer. His companion, "T," asserted that Pork "used to be a photographer." Pork and Beans was clearly much older than T, and wouldn't allow T interrupting, he continued, labeling himself a "Big still photographer." He used the word "big" several times. He used to shoot for Jet magazine, and told me a story about Billy Paul, the guy who sings "Me and Mr. Jones." Apparently, Pork really wanted to use a lion to shoot Billy Paul's album cover, but Billy wouldn't have it. Billy Paul was terrified of working with lions. T said that Pork was a musician too. He said that I would know his music, but Pork wouldn't talk about it. He got very quiet, and hid behind a post (jokingly). I didn't pry, because I promised I'd come back to see them again. I'm really excited. This is a cool mystery. And that's why I think everyone should jog.